Katherine Graff
CONTEMPORARY INFLUENCES Session
8, Page 05, Activity 03
EDUC 5329
M.Ed.T, Secondary, Foreign Languages (Arabic)
ACTFL, NCPTS (
Content practice test NOT TAKEN
TExES content exam NOT TAKEN
PPR practice test NOT TAKEN
TExES PPR 8-12 NOT TAKEN
Children From Toxic Families
“We all suffer when families are sick and toxic.”
~Sharon Schurman, from “Toxic Families, Wounded People” http://www.ideamarketers.com/?TOXIC_FAMILIES,_WOUNDED_PEOPLE&articleid=193781
“Every person walking the earth knows at least one toxic person in
their life.”
~ Danielle Barrone, from “What is a Toxic Family Person Relationship?”
http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=77309
For the purposes of this research paper, I am defining “Children from Toxic Families” as children that are members of a dysfunctional family that has an abuse problem, as stated in our book, Classroom Management (Powell, et al, 2001). I am also adding children from families that have toxic-or unhealthy-family compositions, occurring with or without abuse, be included in my definition. To clarify, verbal abuse is also counted as a form of abuse in my definition. Much of the research I have done deals with unhealthy connections between one or more family members of every relation. Ask Dr. Phil… http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/replies/4087/270/ .
Deah Curry, PhD., is a psychotherapist and a writer for the Inner Journey Work webzine. She deals with family members of toxic families and explains her definitions of a Toxic Family based upon her experiences in the article “Toxic Family Relationships”:
¶ When any member of a family feels emotionally, spiritually, or
physically injured by a parent, sibling or extended family members, there is a
toxic dynamic going on
¶ It's interesting that what some women, in
particular, wouldn't put up with from a spouse, they take from parents or
children.
¶
Sometimes the best solution is to divorce your parents, or your kids if they are toxic to our emotional and
spiritual health.
Dr. Deah
goes on to give some examples of past clients that she has worked with to heal
their toxic relationships:
¶ Example: mothers who are hypercritical of their
daughters to the point where the daughter's sense of self and personal
confidence are shredded
¶ Example: brothers whose childhood fights escalate into
adult tangents of sarcasm, power struggles and unfounded accusations
¶ Example: sisters who compete with each other to the
point of sleeping with each others spouses
¶ Example:
parents who are so concerned with keeping up with the Jones that they neglect
the emotional and spiritual needs of their children
¶ Example: fathers who are interested in their sons only
if the sons are carbon copies of the
fathers in athletics, or career development
http://home.earthlink.net/~deah13/id59.html
For a family to ultimately become toxic, there have to be
causes to foster the breakdown. Danielle
Barrone offers the following possibilities that can
lead a family down the road to toxicity:
- Lack of boundaries, making other's
responsible for your emotions
- Differing perspectives on issues of
trust, respect, responsibility, money, attention
- Unrealistic, unfair expectations
- Personality clashes and power struggles
- Untested assumptions over favoritism,
jealousy
- Some family members are attracted to
growth and change, others fear straying from the known
http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=77309
Identifying the Characteristics
Unfortunately, children involved in toxic relationships do
not have simple solutions for shedding their burdens. Their stress and anxiety is deeply imbedded
and leaves scars well into adulthood that continues a nasty cycle of hurt. Pamela Weintraub, a
contributor to Psychology Today,
writes that “Children in alcoholic families suffer trauma as acute as soldiers
in combat…and they carry that trauma…throughout the rest of their lives.” Stephanie Brown of the Alcohol Clinic at
Ms. Weintraub offers the following symptoms of a child that may be from an alcoholic family:
1.
Can only guess what normal behavior is
2.
Have difficulty following a project from
beginning to end
3.
Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the
truth
4.
Judge themselves without mercy
5.
Have difficulty having fun
6.
Take themselves very seriously
7.
Have difficulty with intimate relationships
8.
Overreact to changes over which they have no
control
9.
Constantly seek approval and affirmation
10.Usually feel that they are
different from other people
11.Are either super responsible or
super irresponsible—there's no middle ground
12.Are extremely loyal, even in
the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
13.Are impulsive. They tend to lock
themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to
alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to
confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In
addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20070208-000002.html
Our text, Classroom Management (Powell, et al, 2001) defines the following characteristics and labels for victims of dysfunctional families. The first two describe the child; the second two describe the family situation.
- “Family Hero” - a child that is usually the oldest in the family and displays perfectionist behaviors. The symptoms above tend to describe traits of the “Family Hero” child. This is an accomplished student that has a good rapport with the teacher, this category is difficult to pinpoint.
- “Lost Child”- a child that displays intra-dependent behavior and uses isolation to disguise their pain. It could be difficult to differentiate this student from one that is just incredibly shy and introverted.
- “Family Scapegoat” – a situation in which a child expresses rage and anger as a result of family dysfunction and/or engages in rebellious behavior.
- “Family Mascot” – a situation in which the child desires attention and affection that is neglected in the home. This student is often shamed by the circumstances of the family and embraces a “class clown” persona as a way of masking feelings.
Consequences of Behavior
James Garbarino, professor of
human development in Cornell's
Eating disorders are common for students of the “Lost Children” (Powell, et al, 2001). The vast majority--more than 90 percent--of those afflicted with eating disorders are adolescent and young adult women http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/disorder.html and has one of the highest death rates of any mental-health condition http://www.uchicagokidshospital.org/specialties/psychiatry/patient-stories/anorexia.html .
Academically, children can suffer greatly from an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Consider this from “The Consequences of Abuse” by the Pebble Project:
“Abused and neglected children suffer poor prospects for success in
school. According to a 1976 study, one-third of abused children aged four and a half were found to have significant neurological damage.
Emotional behavior was affected in the other two-thirds. Typically,
abused and neglected children exhibit poor initiative, and language and other
developmental delays in school. They are more likely to experience increased
difficulties and inappropriate behavior in peer and adult relationships as
reported by Morgan (1976) in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology.”
From the same article, the Pebble Project also says that dysfunctionality can have a long-term effect upon health problems:
Childhood abuse and dysfunctional households are linked with behaviors
later in life which result in the development of chronic diseases that cause
death and disability according to a study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine (1998).
Abused children are more likely to be obese, have diabetes, be
physically inactive, have high use of health care resources, and score high on
measures of psychological distress. They are also more likely to engage
in early sex, have an unintended pregnancy, have high numbers of sexual
partners, and suffer from depression and suicide attempts as reported
in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine 1998.
http://www.cisaustin.org/pebbleproject/html/consequences_of_abuse.html
Combat Strategies
1. Positive Role Model. Always foster an environment of mutual respect and positive thinking at all times. Praise positive contributions and give less attention to negativity, but address the problem if warranted. http://www.wayneandtamara.com/topicfamilies.htm
2. Conferences and
Research. Brush up on the subject by
doing research either on the internet or in texts, or attend a professional
conference that deals with families and toxicity. There is a conference in
3.
4. Behavior Tracking. The best way to begin an investigation into a child’s behavior is to keep records of the child’s behavior on a daily basis, noting the time, incident, location, all involved, what adults were present and what action was taken. http://kids.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Child_Behavior_Checklist Another great assessment tool is Thomas Achenbach’s 118-question Child Behavior Checklist “for the assessment of social competence and behavior problems in children” if you see a pattern of consistency from the daily tracking. This is a detailed rating system designed to assess student behavior problems and the severity of the issues. http://cps.nova.edu/~cpphelp/CBCL.html
5. Counseling. Research appropriate, reputable counseling organizations that could help the student and the student’s family. Note the hours of operation, services offered, and any fees. Note if the student can attend alone or if the entire family must be present. Also, ask if a counselor can make house calls or if the student and/or family must travel to the counseling facility. The American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children is a great resource for finding more information and contacts for counseling. http://www.apsac.org/mc/page.do
6. Politics. Support you local and state council on Child Abuse initiatives.
7. Embrace Diversity. On a broader scale, James Garbarino says, “To build social justice and "detoxify" our society for children, he says, the country must take "public action to uproot racism, to teach families how to value their children and to teach non-aggressive ethnic pride based on knowledge of each group's contributions to civilization." http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/May98/poverty.kids.ssl.html We should do our best in our classrooms recognize and embrace our diversity. It is a wonderful quality that makes our world a unique and varied place and we should see to use this feature to our advantage inside the classroom.
Webliography
McGraw, Dr. Philip. “Toxic Family Relationships”. Dr. Phil Message Board. [Online, Available] http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/replies/4087/270/
Curry, Deah, PhD. “Toxic Family Relationships”,
Inner Journey Work. [Online, Available] http://home.earthlink.net/~deah13/id59.html
Golus, Carry. “Investigations: Spoon-Feeding Anorexics”.
2007, Weintraub,
Pamela.
“A Toxic Brew”. Psychology Today. [Online, Available] http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20070208-000002.html
Barrone, Danielle. “What is a Toxic Family Person Relationship?”. The Experience Project. [Online, Available] http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=77309
1998, Garbarino,
James.
“Child welfare expert says economic indicators hide the multiple
stresses faced by poor children in
Vasen, Debbie. “Child Behavior Checklist”. LovetoKnow. [Online, Available] http://kids.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Child_Behavior_Checklist
Achenback, Thomas M. and Craig Edelbrock “Consequences of
Abuse”. The Pebble Project. [Online, Available] http://cps.nova.edu/~cpphelp/CBCL.html
1993. Webb, James T. and Diane Latimer. “Eating Disorders”. ERIC Digest # 522/KidSource. [Online, Available] http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/disorder.html
END OF PAPER
INFLUENCES -
Buddy Response A
|
Message
no. 1823 |
|
Author: Wenyung
Chung |
|
Date: Monday, October 29, 2007 10:56am |
|
You said the children
involved in toxic relationships do not have simple solutions for shedding their burdens and
their stress and anxiety is deeply imbedded and leaves scars well into adulthood that
continues a nasty cycle of hurt, is this your personal preception
or quotation from
research? I have seen a lot of people
that have successfully been freed from the addiction fo intoxication. In my personal opinion those that fail
to break away from the addiction is
because they are relying on their own self will to free themselves from the
addiction which is rarely possibly because most of us to do have self control. |
|
Message
no. 2103 |
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Author: Wenyung
Chung |
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Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
4:00pm |
|
You provided a very
thorough research on children from toxic families. I noticed that most researches done on
this topic provides only on the symptoms, preventions and impacts of being toxicated. No concrete research has been done on showing
reasons why people choose to be intoxicated.
Being intoxicated such as drinking liqour to me is
really a no-brainer. During high
school we learn of the disadvantages of liquor and the numerous mishaps that has
been the results of drinking and how drinking has really no advantages to our body or being, but
unfortunately people still choose to drink. It very funny and silly to me when i see people would pay to consume something that will
kill them slowly. |
INFLUENCES - *My
Response* to Buddy Response A
|
Message
no. 2168 |
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Author: Katherine Graff |
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Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
7:24pm |
|
Frankie, My claim is from both
personal experience and from my research.
Now, of course this does not apply to 100% of
cases, but most victims of toxic families do have some effect well into adulthood that they
have to deal with, whether they admit it or not. For me, my biological mother left when
I was 6, she moved 1,200 miles away, became a lesbian, became an alcoholic, a manic
depressive and tried to commit suicide several times. (My grandfather had many of the same
symptoms, so she continued the cycle.)
She only tried to see us once a year
on Christmas, but I believe it was out of guilt or to spite my father and step-mother, not
because she honestly wanted to spend time with me and my sister. That is a lot for a small child/teenager to
digest. I am cool with it now, but I
had to "divorce" her
right after I married and had children of my own. It is the only way to end the cycle of violence and
hurt, cut if off at the source completely.
I have not spoken to her since 2002 (I was
25-it took me that long to realize what was happening), and life is grand. No one could make me end it-it was
something I had to do on my own. Thanks again for your
thoughts-they were great and right on the money. |
|
Message
no. 2171 |
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Author: Katherine Graff |
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Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
7:33pm |
|
Frankie, Ah yes, the great results
of peer pressure and malicious advertising.
In countries in would encourage people with
developing brains to drink because of the health implications). They do not have half of the
alcohol-related stupidity that we have in the is waste of hard earned money, but I do drink
red wine because scientists have proven that a glass of red wine
with dinner is beneficial for the heart : )
You just have to have discipline to things in moderation in
life just as Christ prescribed. Thanks again for the chat-I
am on board with you. Always a
pleasure : ) |
INFLUENCES -
Buddy Response B
|
Message
no. 1964 |
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Author: Cassie Essary |
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Date: Wednesday, October 31, 2007
3:50pm |
|
Cassie Essary EDUC 5329 Initial Teacher
Certification, M.M. All-Level Music TExES Music EC-12, TExES PPR EC-12 Wow! Your report is so detailed, organized, and
FULL of great information! I
considered researching children from
toxic families, but I was afraid I would not be able to find so many resources. Was I ever wrong! You found so many great ones! Even from Dr. Phil, haha! (I love Dr. Phil, by the way!) It looks like you have spent a lot of time
and put a lot of thought into this
research. I have no doubt it will help
you in your teaching pursuits. I found it interesting that
you also found that eating disorders are common among these children. I found the same is true for abused
children. I suppose that the
definitions of "children from toxic
families" and "abused children" may overlap in many ways. |
INFLUENCES - *My
Response* to Buddy Response B
|
Message
no. 2169 |
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Author: Katherine Graff |
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Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
7:27pm |
|
Cassie, You brought up a marvelous
point about abuse and toxicity overlapping.
I think all of the "at risk"
categories overlap at some point and that children run a real risk of having two or more categories at
once. Now that I think about it, I am
surprised that I did not see that in the book. Did I just miss that? Nice catch-I appreciate the
great insight! |
INFLUENCES,
Response 1 to a Classmate’s Work
|
Message
no. 2046 |
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Author: Katherine Graff |
|
Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
12:20pm |
|
Katherine Graff CONTEMPORARY INFLUENCES Session 8, Page 05, Activity
03 EDUC 5329 M.Ed.T, Secondary, Foreign
Languages (Arabic) ACTFL, NCPTS ( Content practice test NOT
TAKEN TExES content exam NOT TAKEN PPR practice test NOT TAKEN TExES PPR 8-12 NOT TAKEN Hey Frankie! I liked reading your
research on abused children since that was my #2 choice for a topic. You illustrated many issues relevant to us
as teachers; correctly assessing the signs of abuse can help a child
in so many ways. One of the behaviors
you talked about was the tendencies of
victims of abuse to rebel against teachers who demonstrate positive caring attitudes. Do you think that this behavior is because
the students are inexperienced with
accepting that other adults care about them or do these children honestly believe that they do not
deserve to be treated with respect and dignity? Just a thought I had : ) I appreciate the detailed information you
gave about sexually abused children. Admittedly, I am weak in this area because
I have not experienced children that have suffered such
abuse (thank goodness!) and that helps me clarify what to look for behaviorally. Kudos! Thanks for sharing your
important research with us. |
INFLUENCES,
*Classmate’s Follow-Up* Response
1 to a Classmate’s Work
|
Message
no. 2102 |
|
Author: Wenyung
Chung |
|
Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
3:50pm |
|
Such students do not
deserve to be treated with respect and dignity could possibly one of the reason why they rebel to
caring attitudes. There could be many different other reasons another one that i could think of is that they are very skeptical about
people caring for them because
they have never received such treatment and most people that did care ended up betrayed
them and hurting them, thus they might be suspecting that the teachers are also trying
to take advantage of them. |
INFLUENCES,
Response 2 to a Classmate’s Work
|
Message
no. 2048 |
|
Author: Katherine Graff |
|
Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
12:30pm |
|
Katherine Graff CONTEMPORARY INFLUENCES Session 8, Page 05, Activity
03 EDUC 5329 M.Ed.T, Secondary, Foreign
Languages (Arabic) ACTFL, NCPTS ( Content practice test NOT
TAKEN TExES content exam NOT TAKEN PPR practice test NOT TAKEN TExES PPR 8-12 NOT TAKEN Hi Stephanie, I enjoyed reading your
research because this is a phenomenon that I could never figure out when I was in high
school. I always knew there were
certain people that could not make the connection to
others that I could, and I always wondered why they did not “try harder”. I never realized they were so overwhelmed
with life and school-now I wish I could have helped them. I am thinking that these students need some
special projects where they can use their
personal talents in an effective way and perhaps need some guidance in time
management, goal setting, personal interaction and the benefits of social interaction, and
uncovering their self-worth. What do
you think-am I being too simplistic? Do you think these students would listen to
a teacher about this subject? Or is this something each
student has to work through on their own as individuals? Thanks for sharing-this
clears up a lot of questions I had about students who displayed this behavior and I feel
like I am more prepared to help students achieve academic success. Sorry about all of the questions, but you
have heightened my interest ; ) Also, very cool that you
found this info from NC Public Schools since I am in NC ; ) |
INFLUENCES, *Classmates
Follow-Up* to My Response 2
|
Message
no. 2065 |
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Author: Stephanie Bohn |
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Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007 2:36pm |
|
Well...you definately posed a great question, which I do not have a
clear answer to. However, I do not think you
are being too simplistic. I think that
these students need guidence. I do think that these students would listen
to the teacher about this subject, however, the student might not
think it is a problematic behavior and could be in denial. The students might be able
to work through this on their own, however, who knows how long it will take for them or
if they will ever be successful. I
think teachers should intervene especially if their
behavior becomes over problematic. |
INFLUENCES,
Response 3 to a Classmate’s Work
|
Message
no. 2045 |
|
Author: Katherine Graff |
|
Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
12:08pm |
|
Katherine Graff CONTEMPORARY INFLUENCES Session 8, Page 05, Activity
03 EDUC 5329 M.Ed.T, Secondary, Foreign
Languages (Arabic) ACTFL, NCPTS ( Content practice test NOT
TAKEN TExES content exam NOT TAKEN PPR practice test NOT TAKEN TExES PPR 8-12 NOT TAKEN Good Evening Erica! You included some great
research points, especially about students that display a pattern of isolation. There are so many negative factors that can
be related to this type of behavior (pattern established, of
course) that we cannot let it just pass us by. You are right on about it being
easier to deal with them since they are not outright trouble makers. It is interesting to think that a violent
person is introverted, it just logically seems that they would naturally
be extraverts. But, then again,
violence is not very logical or rational, is it? ;
) I had forgotten about “breaking up”
being a source for violent behavior. I absolutely agree with all of the emotion
going through tweens and teens heads and inadequate
knowledge of how to express or deal with these emotions, violence may be the only outlet in
their minds. This is definitely an
important aspect of violent students and I appreciate
you bringing it to our attention! Thanks
for sharing! |
INFLUENCES,
*Classmate’s Follow-Up* Response
3 to a Classmate’s Work
|
Message
no. 2128 |
|
Author: Erica Bensik |
|
Date: Thursday, November 1, 2007
5:14pm |
|
Thanks for your comments
Katherine! I agree, it is easy to overlook introverts as potentially
violent children but sadly, I know we hear about violent acts
occurring and when people around the person respond, they say they are shocked that
so and so could have done such a thing. Did that make any sense?!
But I agree, I think we have to keep these things in mind in order to
ensure our safety as well as the safety of our students, as sad as that
is to say. |
CONTEMPORARY
INFLUENCES RUBRIC
Online Data Search
I researched various
websites that had articles and research about toxic families, the causes, the
effects and studied case examples. The
sites are listed below. 10
Descriptive paragraph of symptoms and causes
Toxicity is emotional,
physical, or spiritual injury caused by unhealthy family relationships. I provided several case-based examples from
Dr. Deah Curry, PhD of toxic family situations (ex:
fathers that neglect sons who are not carbon copies of themselves in athletics
or interests). I cited several possible
causes of the family breakdown to be lack of personal boundaries, unfair
expectations, or assumptions of favoritism, to name a few. Characteristics of toxic children include
extreme loyalty, overreaction to changes, lie for no reason, and difficulty
finishing projects. I also listed the
four categories of victims of dysfunctional families from our book (Family
Hero, Lost Child, Family Scapegoat, Family Mascot) and
described each one. I listed consequences of behavior including
eating disorders, the never ending cycle of violence that may continue until
their adulthood, academic failure due to scientific proof of mental and other
developmental delays resulting from abuse, and long term health
conditions. I also provided strategies
to combat the toxic stigma such as positive role modeling, research, planning,
counseling, politicking, and embracing diversity. 10
Reference Citations
Webliography
McGraw, Dr. Philip. “Toxic Family Relationships”. Dr. Phil Message Board.
[Online, Available]
http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/replies/4087/270/
Curry, Deah, PhD. “Toxic Family Relationships”, Inner
Journey Work. [Online,
Available] http://home.earthlink.net/~deah13/id59.html
Golus, Carry.
“Investigations: Spoon-Feeding
Anorexics”.
2007, Weintraub,
Pamela. “A Toxic Brew”. Psychology Today. [Online, Available] http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20070208-000002.html
Barrone, Danielle.
“What is a Toxic Family Person
Relationship?”.
The Experience
Project. [Online,
Available] http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=77309
1998, Garbarino,
James. “Child welfare
expert says economic indicators hide the multiple stresses faced by poor
children in
Vasen, Debbie.
“Child Behavior
Checklist”. LovetoKnow. [Online, Available] http://kids.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Child_Behavior_Checklist
Achenback, Thomas M. and Craig Edelbrock “Consequences of
Abuse”. The Pebble Project. [Online, Available] http://cps.nova.edu/~cpphelp/CBCL.html
1993. Webb, James T. and Diane Latimer. “Eating
Disorders”. ERIC Digest # 522/KidSource. [Online, Available] http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content/disorder.html
10
Responded to three members
of your learning team and replied to all responses to your original post.
I initiated discussions
with Stephanie Bohn, Wenyung Chung
and Erica Bensik
and I received original
commentary about my paper from Cassie
Essary
and Wenyung Chung. 10
Total Possible 40
points My score 40 My percentage 100%